Matthew's Story

For such a short life- there is still much to be said.

December 10, 2010 Our little family found out we would not be bringing home our little boy/brother. The evening before my 28 week appointment fear was setting in me as I was realizing my baby was not moving. Throughout the day and night I laid there just hoping for any type of movement. He would not respond to anything. Brent tried talking to him, I tried moving him..his little body would not respond. As fear ran through me, hope did too. I hoped so badly that maybe I was just missing it, maybe he was sleeping, or maybe he was just playing a little game. There is the saying "The lord will not give you more than you can handle" Well surely he knew I would not be able to handle loosing my baby- or so I thought. The next day, with fear and hope on my side I went to my 28 week check up. We were scheduled for a 3-d ultrasound so we went into the room. The ultrasound Tech began the process. She had an image on the screen. I sat there wishing what I saw was not true- There was no movement, no heartbeat. I said "Is that the heart?" She said ".....Yes....I'm so sorry...". I looked to Brent and Jackson and my fear took full force. Apparently the Lord had another plan for each of us that day.
I was prescribed a medicine to start my contractions. I would be delivering my still child, the one that just days before was alive and well, within the next 24 hours. My contractions started around 6:30 P.M that night. They were very small but there. I was admitted to the hospital at 10:30pm that night. My contractions came on full force. I received an epidural and at 6:13am on December 12, 2010 Matthew Duane Carver was born still. He was laid on my chest. The strength I felt I had just hours before was gone. It seemed he should cry any moment, but he did not. He never moved, he never cried.

The next 8 hours that we had with him alone were very touching moments. He had the perfect 10 little fingers, 10 little toes. I could see his fingers were beginning to have fingernails grow. He had his daddy's lips. Just like Jackson.

The funeral home came and took our baby until we would lay him to rest. I was pushed out on a wheelchair, empty handed, feeling almost robbed of my baby. I remember when I had Jackson I felt so brave, I felt so proud to be a mom and to be holding a little baby in my arms. Same hospital, same nurse and two very different situations.

The following days were a blur. I had a follow up doctor appointment. Some blood tests came back positive of me having a virus, that if pregnant is fatal to the baby. There is no way of knowing you have until ultimately your child is gone. My mom helped me make matching baby blankets for Jackson and Matthew. One that Matthew would be buried with and also a outfit for Matthew to be buried in.

Friday December 17, 2010 we went to the funeral home to dress our baby..we said our goodbyes, and sealed his casket.

For the funeral My brother Justin and Grandma made a beautiful flower arrangement for Matthews casket.

Matthew's burial plot is in Caldwell at Canyon Hill Cemetery. He is located at the back of the cemetery on a hill. It overlooks the Boise river and he is laid by many other infants that have passed on.

We had a simple graveside service. My family was all there and Brent's Aunt Dee Dee and her husband were able to come.

Jackson did very well during the service. He sat there very reverently, he understood something was different.

My dad read a short story about Matthew.

Than was followed by a poem read by my brother Jesse.

Brent dedicated the grave and Matthew was lowered to the ground.

Each of Matthew's cousin's including Brent Jackson and myself threw a butterfly in with him

We than proceeded to let off balloons for Matthew. It was bittersweet as we all stood in silence watching the balloons fly in the sky. My sweet niece Sarah later said "I think the balloons are in Heaven now with Matthew"

On Christmas a few of us went to see Matthew. We took him a little firetruck and flowers.

Our little Boy will not soon ever be forgotten. I know he is were he is supposed to be right now, for his mission was so great that he needed to return back with our Heavenly Father. For now I take One day at a time, one hour at a time, and even at times One Minute at a time.